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This I Have Learned

 Throughout high school, I have found that I am constantly comparing myself to others. Given that I live in Troy, where the environment is relatively competitive and toxic, it has been hard to be myself. Everyone is taking a bunch of APs, talking about their grade in the class and how they did on the last test, yet I am just sitting there glad that I was passing at least. These kids would only talk about academics, as if that was the only thing that interests them. I thought to myself, “does no one here have any hobbies other than studying?” In my classes, I definitely felt out of place, as if I was not doing enough. When I finally took an AP class, which was English, I felt even more out of place. It seemed to me like everyone knew what they were talking about, yet the only words that I managed to get out were “so, like, and stuff,” which is not very eloquent. At times I felt like I should have just dropped the class because I did not believe I was meant to be a part of that space. I started to feel like this in every single thing I did that related to school. For example, I am in band, and I was always comparing myself to the kids who have been playing since they were five. I wondered why I did not sound like them, and if what I did mattered in the least. This cycle continued on and on until my senior year. College app season made it particularly hard for me because I knew I was not going to get into my dream school, the University of Michigan, which I did not. When I saw some of my fellow classmates get in, my heart dropped. I was happy for them, but at the same time, I was heartbroken because nobody likes rejection. When you put your everything into something, and then it does not turn into what you wanted, it is heart-wrenching. So I ended up comparing myself to others once more. I started to think about what is best for me and my well-being. I told myself that that is what those people are doing with their life, but I am not them. I have different strengths and limits, and I do not need to be where they are. Comparing oneself is exhausting and you get to a point where you cannot do it anymore. Throughout all four years of high school, I have learned that we are all at different points and life, and just because you are not where someone else is, does not make you any less incredible.

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