Throughout high school, I have found that I am constantly comparing myself to others. Given that I live in Troy, where the environment is relatively competitive and toxic, it has been hard to be myself. Everyone is taking a bunch of APs, talking about their grade in the class and how they did on the last test, yet I am just sitting there glad that I was passing at least. These kids would only talk about academics, as if that was the only thing that interests them. I thought to myself, “does no one here have any hobbies other than studying?” In my classes, I definitely felt out of place, as if I was not doing enough. When I finally took an AP class, which was English, I felt even more out of place. It seemed to me like everyone knew what they were talking about, yet the only words that I managed to get out were “so, like, and stuff,” which is not very eloquent. At times I felt like I should have just dropped the class because I did not believe I was meant to be a part of that space. I started to feel like this in every single thing I did that related to school. For example, I am in band, and I was always comparing myself to the kids who have been playing since they were five. I wondered why I did not sound like them, and if what I did mattered in the least. This cycle continued on and on until my senior year. College app season made it particularly hard for me because I knew I was not going to get into my dream school, the University of Michigan, which I did not. When I saw some of my fellow classmates get in, my heart dropped. I was happy for them, but at the same time, I was heartbroken because nobody likes rejection. When you put your everything into something, and then it does not turn into what you wanted, it is heart-wrenching. So I ended up comparing myself to others once more. I started to think about what is best for me and my well-being. I told myself that that is what those people are doing with their life, but I am not them. I have different strengths and limits, and I do not need to be where they are. Comparing oneself is exhausting and you get to a point where you cannot do it anymore. Throughout all four years of high school, I have learned that we are all at different points and life, and just because you are not where someone else is, does not make you any less incredible.
“After you peed on me, I wanted to kill you” (Morrison 213). At the end of chapter 9, Lena is talking to Milkman about how he has peed all over his family. Now, Milkman is quite drunk, so he does not truly understand what Lena is getting at, but she tells him the story of when she took him to the woods, and he peed on her. Lena explains to Milkman that he was born with all his needs catered at his every whim and that he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Their entire life, their worlds revolved around Milkman’s. Lena states that, “As surely as my name is Magdalene, you are the line I will step across” (Morrison 214). She means that she is finally standing her ground and is physically and mentally exhausted of carrying this weight on her back. For everything that his mother and sisters have done for him he has peed on them in return. “When you slept, we were quiet; when you were hungry, we cooked…” (Morrison 215). ...
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