Julia's Justifications

  Throughout high school, I have found that I am constantly comparing myself to others. Given that I live in Troy, where the environment is relatively competitive and toxic, it has been hard to be myself. Everyone is taking a bunch of APs, talking about their grade in the class and how they did on the last test, yet I am just sitting there glad that I was passing at least. These kids would only talk about academics, as if that was the only thing that interests them. I thought to myself, “does no one here have any hobbies other than studying?” In my classes, I definitely felt out of place, as if I was not doing enough. When I finally took an AP class, which was English, I felt even more out of place. It seemed to me like everyone knew what they were talking about, yet the only words that I managed to get out were “so, like, and stuff,” which is not very eloquent. At times I felt like I should have just dropped the class because I did not believe I was meant to be a part of that spac...

I have now hit the point where I have realized I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I thought all I needed to do was get accepted into a university and that would be it. I had been preparing for this moment my entire high school career, but now that happened, I feel unfulfilled. The idea of leaving my hometown and family and going to a school where I know no one is scary to me. It is quite ironic since I am constantly telling my mom how sick and tired I am of my siblings and cannot wait to leave this place. I also feel that because of covid, I missed out on a good portion of my high school experience. I felt like I was just sixteen, but now I am eighteen and going off to college in a few months. It made me wonder where all the time has gone, even though I know very well where it went. I keep telling myself I probably would not have even gone to prom anyway, so I can sleep at night (even though it would have been nice to have given the chance). Another thing I have realized is...